“I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanise you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed.” Anais Nin
As a mother, I am determined to be someone who my children will look up to not for just being their mother but for being a kind, interesting, creative and loving woman. This sometimes hurts. I worry that there will be a point in our relationship that they will think I am awful, boring and embarrassing. It reminds me of when I use to wear point shoes. It took a lot of work, effort, sweat, pain and discipline. And it was easy to get caught up in getting the steps right and forgetting to forget the steps and dance from somewhere inside. Fear and competition could easily rob you of the joy of dancing. Then all of a sudden you are hurting from your core to your bloody toes. No amount of discipline could bring that joy back. You have to choose to be there.
I gave up my point shoes some time ago but not dancing. Found how to love the dance and forget the steps. Just doing, without worry, concern or wonder about how I might compare to others. Lightbulb moment… this applies to everything I do. Try anything and everything and do the things you enjoy and you will be good at the things you enjoy most. No amount of discipline is the answer, the effort is easy to will when you have chosen to do it. Somehow this all fits together with my desire to create my space, raising children, my desire to have a happy home and be creative. I have made sure my love for dancing is around me and my happiness is a good example to my kids and that happiness comes from them but it also comes from within.